you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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