Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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