He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
