tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
