She's JV to your varsity
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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