just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
