i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
