going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
