If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
