I wish I could punch you in the face.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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