Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
