I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
