Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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