things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
