I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
