Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
one might say we're banned from that church
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
