I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
