I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
