I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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