Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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