wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He kissed a someone with a penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
