I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
love makes seman taste better
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
