Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
