this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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