I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
