Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
