cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
