I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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