Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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