shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
