I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
