Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
