Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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