Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
