If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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