so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
