I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
