my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
