Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
