well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
