I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
