I'll bet she douches with gravy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
