are you still at the devil's house?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
