i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
