hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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