Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
