Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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