I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
