??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
