You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
