addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
