areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
