phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
