I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i now understand why vodka
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
