you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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