They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
